How to develop quiet confidence seems to be a far fetched question. Let’s first understand what quiet confidence is.
An unpopular opinion says that confidence is quiet. Contrary to the long time established norm that a confident person has to be equally loud, this opinion has something to offer. Dharmesh Shah, the co-founder of HubSpot had said it right, “Confidence is not bravado, or swagger, or an overt pretense of bravery. Confidence is quiet. Confidence is a natural expression of ability, expertise, and self-regard.”
It is also a falsely perceived notion that introverts are the people with little or no confidence at all. However, paradoxically, loudest people are seen to be the most insecure people..
Confidence is not loud, the fear of being exposed is.
Quiet confidence comes to those who are not looking for validation, who are in very much peace with themselves, who are mostly aware of what they want and what they stand for but do not ever feel the need to show it to others. It is automatically reflected in their personalities because it is within them.
The most important question that now arises is, how to develop it? Following are some points to be considered as an answer to the question.
1. Talk Less- The one who is truly wise or confident knows the importance of talking less and listening more. You, speaking only when necessary allow others to speak their mind, which is important in ways that listening to others teaches a lot more than talking yourself. When you actually know more you realize how fruitful as well as peaceful it is to remain silent and listen, and observe.
However, being silent, by any means, does not imply that you stop expressing at all. That is unhealthy and definitely not what any confident person does. The few things to take care of are, what we express where and how.
2. Be Assertive- As mentioned earlier, talking less is a wonderful habit but, saying nothing at all is wrong. In fact, a confident person has the courage to speak up wherever necessary without a second thought.
Quiet confidence, as a concept doesn’t propagate silence as its core value rather it encourages assertiveness.
Being assertive and not indulging in a verbal argument should also be taken care of. Putting forth your views without the desperation of proving yourself right is the most common and important trait of a confident person. Therefore, calmly expressing yourself is just as effective, if not more than shouting out your views to grab everyone’s attention.
3. Stop People Pleasing- When you make zero efforts to please the people around you who do not really matter you are allowing yourself to be your authentic self, there is no pretense, there is an air of comfort surrounding you, that is when you feel the most confident.
The baggage of how YOU should behave, dress, talk, etc. so that OTHERS feel good is carried by many and is wrong on so many levels. The major reason for being under confident is the constant thought of other people’s opinions of us. Anyone who is not bothered by either validation given or not exudes tremendous confidence.
Lastly, confidence is a skill that is developed over a period of time. It won’t happen overnight and the graph wouldn’t be a straight line, it will be followed with ups and downs, which is far better than remaining under confident for our entire lives. Quiet confidence is a very strong skill, which when acquired can take us places.